The Marine - Review

Cast: John Cena, Robert Patrick, Kelly Carlson

Screenplay: Michelle Gallagher, Alan B. McElory

Producers: Vince McMahon, Joel Simon

Director: John Bonito

Running Time: 92 Minutes 

Studio: WWE Films, 20th Century Fox (Distributed)

Before writing this review, I want to make it clear that I'm not a fan of professional wrestling (due to actor John Cena being a professional wrestler, and the film being produced by WWE films) . I have nothing against it, it just doesn't appeal to me. Now on with the review......

I remember seeing The Marine in theaters, I never even heard of this flick, my step siblings wanted to see it, because of John Cena, I though, what could one little action movie do that could hurt. I went to local movie theater with my siblings (note the theater screening was small, and barley anyone was in the seats, first bad sign), when opening text crawl came up, it was so cartoony, and cheesy (second and major bad sign!). I knew straight away it was going to be a really bad movie. If I had to describe The Marine in a few word to sum up the entire movie, it would be this; imagine Commando and the original Die Hard were so unbelievably bad.

The plot is about a former Marine, whose wife gets kidnap by high profile criminals, and that Marine goes on a mission to rescue her. Wow, how original (sarcasm)! Right of the bat, this film fails to be even standard action movie, the acting is mostly horrible,  special effects are awful the script is lazy, painfully cliched, and poorly written. Oh get this, one of the main villain's henchmen always complains throughout the movie to his boss that he's not being treated right by him and the other gain, because he's black.

I. AM. NOT. MAKING. THIS. UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ranking: 0 out of Five Stars

           

     

Jack and Jill Review

Cast: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino
Story: Ben Zook
Screenplay: Adam Sandler, Steve Koren
Director: Dennis Dugan
Genre: Comedy
Rating: PG
Running Time: 91 Minutes
Studio: Sony Pictures, Happy Madison

It's one thing to watch a bad movie, it's an entirely different thing to watch a horrible comedy. When watching a comedy, you expect to laugh, and have a fun time watching a movie. When the film is not funny at all, you'll get mad, and this movie did that. Jack and Jill is probably one of the worst comedies I've seen in recent years. If I have to describe the entire plot of Jack and Jill in one word, it would be this, lazy.

I should be warning you the reader of this review for spoilers, but I'm not because its so awful,  I need to explain why this movie does not work at all.  

The plot is a film (if I even consider it an ACTUAL film) is about Jack Sadelstein, a big time advertising executive, with a wife and two kids, invite his crazy twin sister Jill (also played by Adam Sandler) to come over on the Thanksgiving holidays. When she decides to stay for a few months, chaos consumes Jack's world. Most of the film is filled with the many painful trademarks of Adam Sandler's produced films (Happy Madison Productions is owned by Adam Sandler, so their's the reason why Jack and Jill got greenlit) such as:

• Various Product Placement: Sony VISO Laptops, Coca-Cola, Pepto Bismol, Duncan Donuts, etc. - CHECK!
• Various forgotten cast members of SNL (Sandler's Buddies) - CHECK
• Dennis Dugan directing - CHECK! 
• Racist jokes - CHECK!
• A-List actors in short cameos for a fat paycheck - CHECK! (Al Pacino gets a major role in this film as himself, thus serving a bigger crime sentence) 
• Random fart jokes and people getting hit in the head (without any setup, buildup, and payoff for joke being setup.) - DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The film's pacing is completely rushed, the location sets look incredibly cheep, and obviously green screened (the Lakers stadium as a good example). Jack is just like any other Adam Sandler character not playing a oddball character, Jill is annoying, and unlikable. The film has no major conflict whatsoever, when Jack needs Al Pacino to be in a Duncan Donuts commercial, there is even no stake such as, "if I don't get him in the commercial, I will lose my job!" Really.....its that lazy in writing. Speaking of Al Pacino, what the hell is he doing in a film like this, before seeing Jack and Jill, I respected him as an actor, but there was this one scene in the movie, where Jill is at Pacino's house, plays baseball in his living room, hits the ball hard, it bounces to his Oscar trophy, and smashing it to a million pieces. The moment I saw that, to me it was a metaphor of Al Pacino, destroying his entire career to be in this movie, that breaks my heart. I shut the film off on Netflix after that particular scene, and I didn't bother watching the rest of that movie. Overall, I would not recommend Jack and Jill to anyone (including kids, teens, and even adults), a waste of a production spent to make this abomination.

Ranking: 0 out of 5 Stars